By Gina Caswell Kelly
Life can be such a struggle at times. I am the daughter of a Baptist preacher. I have never known a time in my life that I didn’t know who God was and that He loved me and cared for me. Honestly! I have no clue of a life without God. But still, life can be a struggle. Yesterday was one of those struggle days for me.
With no details, just suffice it to say that I had plenty on my mind last night as I lay down in my bed. I kind of already knew that I would not be getting much sleeping done. I began to talk to God. Of course, He already knew what was troubling me and what burdens I had. I heard myself telling God, “I know You will always love me, and I will always love You, but I need to be a little bit angry right now at how my prayers are being answered.” I have been praying about one situation for a very long time, and not seeing any change. The other situation was a new one that I was upset about.
Here is the deal. God did not get angry with me because I was a little bit angry with Him. I just knew I felt I needed to clarify my feelings with Him. Yes, I was upset with the lack of answers I was getting, but no, I was not going to lose my faith in Him. He already knew that. I guess it was for me. Maybe I needed to see for myself that His love is unconditional for me, and mine is as unconditional as is humanly possible for Him. I cried out to Him. I begged Him. I pleaded with Him. I ranted and raved at Him. And I could feel He was listening. But His answer was still not the one I wanted. I hoped to wake up today and all the issues would have resolved over night. It didn’t happen.
I know certain facts about all this.
- He still loves me and His heart was broken as I cried out to Him.
- He kept all my tears in a bottle. He won’t forget how I feel.
- His answers may not come when I want them.
- His answers may not be the answers I want, but they will be the right ones.
- God is still God and remains the Lord of my life.
- I am still His precious child that He continues to hold in the very center of His hand.
My God is good. My God loves me and cares about what I care about. I know He is saying, “Oh Gina! If you could see down the road, you would see that it is all going to be okay. If you could see what I am seeing, you would stop your worry.”
I can’t see down the road, but I know I can trust the Savior. After all He has already done for me, why would He stop caring now! I mean He gave His only Son for me! His love is so much deeper than we can ever understand.
I know I will still have times of crying out to Him in fear and frustration. But I know that I can crawl into His big hand and He will hold me so close no matter what is going on around me. And that, my friends is what makes the difference! Do you know Him? Meet this Savior of mine!!
